Monday 11th June

As the title suggests, today was to be a Monday, and probably because it was a Monday, I decided that I wasn’t having any of it and didn’t really want to leave the house.  I just wanted some much needed 'us' time and to do sweet FA, well... apart from each other that is.  This was also a good chance for me to finally (I hope) rid myself of this dreaded jet lag that has kept following me around and attacked me when I least expected it.  So a day indoors it was to be.

Stage directions:

Camera slowly zooms in on two disenchanted and bored looking people sat at opposite ends of a sofa, staring into space and mindlessly twiddling their thumbs….

God save our gracious feet

Sporting my brand new super cute slippers with their heart shaped union jacks on them, to keep my feet warm (did I mention it was cold here?), I got to put my feet up on the sofa and catch up with the final 4 episodes of this season’s Game of Thrones. Meanwhile, the ever vigilant Andy was plying me with coffee and food whenever he felt I had neglected my eating (I do that from time to time). I felt I was well and truly being looked after, with half naked eunuchs wafting large feathered fans around while peeling grapes and pouring fine wines for me to imbibe in.

During the afternoon, I actually managed to grab a nap of a full forty winks duration and have a nice hot bath too (although not at the same time).  I mean having a bath is quite a big thing for me.  Where I live, you are lucky if the bathtub is large enough to fit a small child in it, but here, being as he is in the trade, Andy’s bath is not surprisingly big enough for 2 people.  So, (turn away now mother) we gave it a whirl and yes, it really does fit 2 people in it.  It also turns out that Andy likes the water way hotter than I can handle, so just for me he dropped the bath water temp down.  I like it when he is thoughtful like that (not that much of the water stayed in the tub anyway).  Oh and by the way, I am now the proud owner of that most sought after of luxury items, a Tesco special... wait for it... union jack shower cap.  And I am absolutely sure the picture of me wearing it is hideous.  It looks like it is made from half an inflatable beach ball (the shower cap not me). So yep, the sex kitten in me will obviously be shining through when I’m wearing this in the bathrooms of the UK.

Stage directions:

Can somebody please call out the fire brigade to pump away all this excess water please? And run all footage by the censors… we need to beat the 9 o’clock watershed…

While I have been here, I have been trying out some of the local fayre.  Food and drink wise there are many things here that a humble Australian wouldn’t normally come across…

I have successfully tried Guinness and after the fifth or sixth pint, it actually tastes quite nice, unlike the crap I have tried in Australia.  Mind you, this was draught Guinness, chilled and on tap, not the awful stuff that comes in a bottle or can (minus the widget).

Stage directions:

Who the hell mentioned the shores?

What shores?

Thanks very much, I'll have a pint :)

I have tried pork pies, yum by the way, but having said that, the ones I tried were only mini ones (do they really use minis (the cars) in the recipe?). Apparently the bigger ones could taste differently with a lot less pastry percentage wise, more meat on the inside and aspic jelly to fill the gaps between filling and casing, they quite possibly could do. The Jury remains out then, I'll have to keep you posted.

OMG… Cadbury makes chocolate coated popcorn!!! Yes you guessed it, these are also yum, but you can really only have about 10 of the popcorn kernels before you begin feeling sick. Well that’s what I thought anyway. And while on the subject of sweeties… I also tried Taverner’s coconut mushrooms. These are a delicious toasted coconut chewy sweet, shaped like a mushroom. Mmmmm, they are absolutely to die for with their all white liquorice allsort type stems and desiccated coconut covered chewy brown tops.

Ambrosia creamed milk puddings like their rice and Devon custard, umm, custard that comes in a tin??? The already tested creamed rice is thoroughly yummy and has an unmatched consistency of sheer luxury, but being lactose intolerant, I couldn’t eat too much without feeling ill. Great news for Andy though (the extra rice, not my being ill. Grrr). And the same goes for that new chocolate flavoured Philadelphia soft cheese (more pics in the album)… My diet is now doomed!! I hate you all and will now run off and comfort eat... no wait, Oh I don't know!!

And then there’s the much maligned and dreaded traditional Lancashire made Black pudding, well that is yet to be sampled and while I have been told this is nice, knowing what goes into making it (boiled pig’s blood? Really??), I'll have to reserve judgement and hope for a strong enough constitution to eat it. I will of course give you the verdict once I have tried it.

Stage directions:

Blank expressions from the whole crew now... What the hell is this all about? It was supposed to be a holiday thingy wasn't it??

Another desert item, Arctic Roll (see the pic with the custard), is simply ice cream wrapped in sponge cake similar to a Swiss roll, and that too is yet to be devoured.  I will let you know how that one goes… (probably quite rapidly).

Oooo and by the way, have you tried these beauties?

I have also done fish and chips at an awfully English ‘chippy’, On Rawtenstall’s high street, this chippy looks like it has been around for 300 or so years. I mean you had to duck to get in through the 5’ 6” door way (mmmm, is that why Andy is shrinking?).  I had what looked like a whole cod, cooked brilliantly by the wonderful Tony and subsequently laid to rest in what seemed to be half a sack of potatoes worth of chips.  Apparently this cod is a fish worth fighting for.  And testament to that are the number of fishing wars the British have had with the likes of Norway in trying to preserve stocks in the North Sea.

For the whole 'We did naff all this Monday' album, click here

Along with my ‘chippy supper’, I also had the pleasure of sampling a Holland’s steak and kidney pie.  This was a pie that you really could taste the kidney pieces in, not just a hint, but whole chunks of kidney. It was a little too salty for me but the flavour was like I remember steak and kidney pies as a kid.  

Holland’s pies, I am told, are made just around the corner from Rawtenstall in neighbouring Baxenden, Hyndburn. The company although being small factory wise (not much bigger than the Yatala pie drive through back home), are quite a big outfit on the quiet. Having one time sponsored the Blackpool illuminations and supplying over half of Lancashire’s chip shops with a full range of pies, pasties and puddings, they even supply the big supermarket chains too.

Damn the food portions (fish & chips, kebabs etc) here are large, not ridiculously so like in the USA but way larger than you would get in Australia.  Food on the whole is cheaper here than in Australia too, and you can have almost anything delivered to your home. I have never heard of a kebab delivery service to homes, let alone any meal under $30.  But I guess if you want to survive in an economy that is struggling, you will offer such services to help get your product shipped over that of your competitor. Add to that the fact that there are so many people living in such a small area (tiny delivery routes) and high enough numbers to make it pay, the delivery services over here are second to none.

Stage directions:

All this talk about food is making me HUNGRY dammit!!! Let’s call it a day and go eat… Who’s turn is it to pay?

So after all this, on my Monday of rest (really? All this writing is rest is it??), I am finally ready to go out and tackle the world again.

Yeah we’ll soon see about that won’t we...

Stage directions:

All lights go out and nothing but silence… Tumbleweeds can just about be seen rolling by unhindered.

STOP THE PRESS!!

At approximately a half past dinner time on Thursday 14th (unlucky for those that missed the 13th) of June, a full half pound of finest quality black pudding was ceremoniously unwrapped, heated to within an inch of it's life and served up midst a plateful of exceptionally good bacon butties and brown sauce.... Jodie finally got to sample it, and the verdict was:

"Yer umm, I was led to believe it would be an assault on the senses but it really was quite nice." 


If only she knew we Brits wouldn't touch it with a barge pole... hee hee.

Sunday 10th June

OMG the sun is shining!!!

Insert whatever expression of amazement you like here but Rawtenstall has sunshine as well as the moonshine they probably sell at all good local bars.  The walk down into the centre from the flat was just lovely today.  I even had to take my jacket off and strip down to my t-shirt it was so warm.  Yes, the sun was well and truly shining down on this sleepy little town and true to Andy’s words; it lit it up like in a storybook fairytale (GRIMM?).  The sun blazing down on the stream made it sparkle, the ducks looked happy (probably stoned) and today was the first time I was going to meet Andy’s sister, Caroline and her family.  Oh and in all this glorious sunshine, my hair glowed a lovely iridescent pink.  There is nothing like making a first impression for the future outlaws.

We took our time walking down the steepest hill I’ve ever encountered just enjoying the sunshine.  And it was then that we heard whistles of the old steam locomotive come into and subsequently leave the local station.  Yes it was just too beautiful to rush the moment believe it or not.  Andy always maintained that this place was just gorgeous when the sun shines; it’s just a shame it doesn’t do it all that often.

Where's my bloody brother? Grr

As pre-arranged earlier that morning, Caroline and her family were waiting patiently for us, while eating their way through the wares of the local ice-creamery; apparently this establishment has been here for around 80 years, says a man in an old flat cap who maintains he is still waiting to be served.  Anyways, with all the awkward greetings and secret Masonic handshakes out of the way, and Andy close by with tickets in hand, we ventured into the pride of the East Lancashire Railway, Rawtenstall Station and went out onto the platform to wait for the next heavily breathing goliath of industrialised steam power... a choo choo train.  I should probably point out around about here that this is not your normal train ride.  We are riding on a steam train, with the locomotive on loan from the National Railway Museum, and the whole set up being run and manned by both volunteers and hobbyists.  The refurbished railway station was only reopened in April 1992, part of a work of loving restoration from a group of wealthy rail enthusiasts including Pete Waterman from Stock, Aitken Waterman, Kylie Minogue, Rick Astley and Jason Donovan fame (if you can call it that).

Bury bound on the East Lancashire Railway,
Click here for the full East Lancs Railway Album

Anyway, without further ado we were soon on our way to Bury.  The train ride itself was just delightful.  I got to view the local countryside all bathed in glorious sunlight, seeing the grazing cows, horses and sheep in wide open fields along the way.  Watching out the window with Alex, Andy’s niece and her giggling at my accent, I got to share with her some little bits of Australia, comparing a handful of Aussie coins with the UK version. I also brought along some Mem Fox, my favourite Aussie children’s author, story books for the kids to read too.

Bury is 12 crow flying miles from Rawtenstall, so the train ride was just long enough not to bore the children and child like.  We jumped off at Bury station and as we didn’t have a lot of time before the last train back home came through, we thought we would just stop at the station and have coffee and sandwiches and talk with the family.  The atmosphere was made just that little more fun by the gentlemen behind the counter and his witty commentary of the British railways and his knowledge of the steam trains.  Yes he was another volunteer who loved his work.

The Bolton Road Station at Bury has a pub on the station’s platform 2 and it appears it is a popular place to go on the weekends. The tables regimentally arranged outside in the sun were all packed and it appears nowhere escaped all the bunting for the Queens Jubilee.  But this just made the place look that much more British.  I loved it.

For the train ride home, we sat on the opposite side of the train to get in the other half of the journey’s epic scenery we missed while looking out of the opposing windows on the way to Bury.  And whoever came up with the name Ramsbottom for a neighbouring town must have been drunk or high on crystal meth. I still giggle every time I hear it.  Seriously, Ramsbottom? Even the kiwis go for the ewes.

Quick, throw one in the back of the van,
we'll eat for weeks. Hee hee

After a lovely couple of hours enjoying the East Lancashire Railway, it was time to come back to modern day reality and we were invited back for dinner at Caroline’s.  Well the modern day reality for me was simply being in awe of the old 1700’s buildings and cobbled stone roads. I still feel like I am in a dream, or have been transported back in time to this beautiful little town. I mean there are sheep to be found roaming the streets here. Just not something you’ll ever see in Coomera, we get the odd roo every now and then, but sheep, no, never.

Caroline lives in a terraced house (one in a block of three) that was originally built for the clergy of the local St Marys church. 3 little terraces overlooking the church grounds and graveyard and they are just gorgeous. They were originally built in the 1700s along with much of the surrounding streets. For now though, the church will have to be an outing all of its own to allow us to get all the beautiful architecture photographed and shared in the blog for you. But we did come across a lovely ornate library on the main road leading up to Caroline’s.

Just another beautiful day in the old UK, I really do love it here, it's so full of history, awesome buildings and rather nice boyfriend material too.

Saturday 9th June

And today we are off to Manchester...

Wake up time this morning was 7am. HA!!! I’ve been awake since 5.30am but tried to sleep a little more knowing we were going to have quite a big day ahead of us. You see today we were off to undergo the medical for Andy’s visa to enter and stay in Australia.  So we needed to be in Whalley Range in Manchester on time for 11.30am.

Ooooo thar be witches

So early that morning, we wandered off down the road to the bus stop. OMG!!! SQUEEEEEEEE!!! The buses here are awesome.  We caught “The X43 Witch Way” bus to Manchester.  And to fully appreciate this bus you have to see it.  Firstly it is a Pullman style double-decker bus with full leather seating, yay; we don’t often see them in Oz.  Secondly, there are decals of witches on a broomstick on the side of the bus, on the front of the bus and in random other places on the inside of the bus. And today our bus driver was to be the wonderful Steven, who I am sure thought I was quite odd for wanting to take photos of both him and the bus.

The wonderful Steven

We arrived at Chorlton Street bus station in Manchester with a good 70 minutes to spare.  It was raining and it was cold, so we headed for the nearest pub (Yates’s Wine Lodge) for breakfast.  It was lovely and warm inside and people watching through the glass windows there was awesome.  There were girls getting out of cabs, trying to keep their hair dry with the umbrellas they brought, only to give up in disgust when the wind kindly blew them apart and or turned them inside out.  There were so many discarded umbrellas around Manchester’s streets that day and now I know why.

Did I mention it was cold? And wet? Even the security guard working at the pub agreed with me on this and he was obviously a local.

From the pub we jumped into a black cab to head to the hospital in Whalley Range.  Now this hospital (Spire), obviously a private one (ex Bupa), and not dealing with sick people, was amazing.  Just walking into the lobby was an experience for the senses to behold.  This could have been any high profile business, nothing about it said hospital, except for the sign out the front.  I must say however, the receptionist’s greeting was as warm as the Manchester weather we were presented with this day.

Oh not again!!

Having found our way to the hospital, it was a case of everyone up to the waiting room to wait for the medical to begin.  We met a few other people up there for much the same reasons as us too.  One lady commented saying, “Wow, you are going all out in getting the accent right for your medical”.  All I could do was reply “I wasn’t here for the medical, Andy was”, which soon made a lot more sense for her.

I got to sit in on Andy’s medical as a chaperone, a decision he is probably now regretting.  The nurse who did his preliminary testing was a scream.  He was very brave and didn’t cry when he had blood taken, but I think he had the nurse convinced he would feint at the sight of his own blood.  When she measured him for height, Andy received the greatest shock of the day.  Apparently, he is now 3 full inches shorter than he was in the mid seventies (obviously minus the platform shoes and Mohican haircut then).  I was killing myself laughing and generally not being helpful at all.  I think the “you are shrinking in your old age” thing went down less than brilliantly.  So still not helping apparently, I tried the angle, “maybe you shrank in the wet”. Then to add insult to injury, being 3 inches shorter than he thought he was, now put his BMI out of the curiously appealing range and into the obese quick go on a diet department.  So now instead of being a strapping slightly overweight 6’2, he was a clinically obese 5’11 dwarf. 

Did I mention I was still laughing here?

Next, he was supposed to pee in the jar before we saw the Dr, but he needed something in the region of 20 odd pints of water in him before anything like that was going to happen.

Really? All this for a urine sample?

We had this lovely South African Dr who had a very very dry sense of humour.  Andy stripped down to his (I love Australia) boxers and the Dr shook his head at the Australian flag on them.  The testing involved quite a thorough physical exam.  Testing for things like hernias, reflexes, going through your whole medical history etc.  The blood test was for HIV screening and if Andy had had tattoos, he would have also been tested for hepatitis. After a good seeing to and going over, the Dr sent Andy back to his nurse for his much awaited urine sample before sending us down to x-ray.  The Dr also told Andy that he would have to pee in front of the nurse so that they could make sure it was his urine they were testing.  I think stage fright was now setting in although Andy maintains he was quite looking forward to spending some time with her.  The nurse killed herself laughing when I grassed him up and told her.  The Dr had set him up nicely. They were all taking the piss.

We toddled off down to the x-ray department and while Andy was being bombarded with gamma rays, I was left alone looking through plastic surgery pamphlets.  No wonder this place didn’t look like a hospital, it was simply respite care for the world’s under-worked but wealthy house wives.  The place was more like a day spa with the bonus of added surgery options thrown in on the menu.  And while it might be nice to dream of the perfect surgically enhanced body, I think I’ll just stick with what I have for now.

Back into Manchester and time to go exploring...

Chinatown Manchester

Chorlton Street bus terminal is situated within Manchester’s gay village.  The only real give away for me was a bar named “Queer” and another bar that had a drag show in it.  But for the most part it was just gay friendly cafes and restaurants.  We also went for a wander through close by China town, which was a little disappointing as it was just a few Chinese restaurants and shops hiding behind a large pagoda. I guess it was different to the China towns I am used to seeing in Sydney and Brisbane.  Maybe there really isn’t as big a Chinese population in Manchester?

One of the biggest highlight’s of Manchester for me was the buildings here.  Seeing 200 plus year old buildings, butted up next to modern architecture was almost criminal, but if you focus on the historical buildings and their attention to detail in every facet of their construction, it was easy to forget the less than impressive new buildings.  The town hall was just divine.  I think we spent about 30 minutes just photographing this building alone.  Unfortunately, so much of it wasn’t open to the public, but what was, we explored: The mosaics on the floor, the paintings on the ceiling, the leaded light windows, the marble pillars, the spiralling stone staircases, all of them just exquisite.

Inside Manchester's Town Hall
Click here for the full Manchester Album

We also went for a wander through the Manchester Art Gallery on Mosely Street.  We opted to look at the classical art vs the more modern art because quite frankly, the modern art was sometimes just that little bit too obscure for my liking.  Art to me must be something that awakens the senses and takes you into the world of the artist creating the work.  I spent some time sitting in front of one painting which for the life of me I cannot remember the name of, but it was a painting you could truly lose yourself in.  An elderly gentleman came up to me and started telling me all about this piece of work and how it had only just recently been returned to the gallery after being repaired.  Apparently someone had slashed the painting as an act of vandalism and it had been removed for repair.  If indeed this painting had been vandalised, the restorers are worth their weight in gold because you cannot tell it had been damaged at all.

One very curious thing about Manchester was the little “bee” symbol in all of the street furniture.  It seemed to be (no pun intended) everywhere in Manchester.  I still don’t know what it means.  Even looking on Google didn’t give us any real answers. So if anybody knows, please educate us all via the comments box. Thanks.

Anyway, after nearly 5 hours of walking around Manchester, it was time to jump on our bus and go back to the sticks of Rawtenstall.  The trip between Manchester and Rawtenstall takes little over 30 minutes in total, the journey itself giving you a wonderful scenic tour of the outlaying suburbs of Manchester. Places like not so sunny Salford, Jew city central Prestwich, Whitefield, and Bury.

Asda Rawtenstall

Back in Rawtenstall, we stopped in at the other supermarket giant ASDA (now part of Walmart).  Now if I thought Tesco was huge, I was now looking at a 2 storey version of it.  There was a whole lot more stuff in this store than you could ever hope to need.  One level dedicated to food and one to clothing, household goods, electricals and everything else.  I am now starting to think I may be allergic to shopping as my yet to be defeated jet-lag snuck up again on me in here.  The same as it did in Tesco, all out of the blue and then BANG!!! I was down and out for the count again.  We did manage to get some food for dinner however and I could not believe the sheer amount of different foods on offer and how many of these were premade meals.  Does no one here cook from scratch anymore? 

Back home and back into bed for a couple of hours reconstructive surgery and I was almost back to normal again. On the whole, the day in Manchester was just magical and I didn’t even get to explore 0.5% of what there is to be seen.  I am hoping to maybe fit in another day there before I go. Minus the wind and rains would be nice.

Friday 8th June

Oh crap, where am I again?

After finally getting to sleep about 1am in the morning on my first night in the UK, I soon discovered that my body clock was still out with the sun coming up at 4.30am as was I.  I did however go back to sleep soon after as it was wet and windy outside, oh and to any intrepid Aussie, it was cold too. But needless to say I was soon up again at around about 8.30am.  I felt awesome.  Let’s take on the day and explore this god forsaken place!!!

I suppose I should really mention here that Andy’s flat was as spotless as his cleaning countdown has suggested, well apart from a healthy scattering of dust on the decorative balls on his bathroom windowsill (he is a man after all and therefore, he was bound by nature to have missed something), but the rest of the unit was immaculate.  OCD anyone?  The flat itself is gorgeous and it is very much a bachelor pad, no unnecessary clutter and very few ornaments or unwanted items.  There’s a place for everything and everything was in its place.  I tell you I felt like I was messing up his organised lifestyle while I was unpacking but he soon had me sorted.  After all, there was a day to be had outdoors and lots and lots of things to be done, so first I caught up on some emails and had a quick Skype chat with Madi, just to let her know I had made it here ok before showering and finally being ready to take on the sleepy town of Rawtenstall.

Rows and rows of roof  tops

We took the scenic route down to the town centre, wandering alongside a stream that wound its way through and around the local area.  Everything was so green, lush and just so beautiful.  It was never far off raining however; you could feel the odd drop of rain or two as we wandered down the path and then, right out of the blue came a squirrel scurrying across our path in front of us. It was, my first ever squirrel!!! He had a big fluffy tail and damn he was fast.  He was quite large too so I was told, about the size of a medium rabbit.  He was also the first thing I checked off my to see list. Squirrel.  Next is a chinchilla (Not native to the UK but available as pets) and then a hedgehog (sans fleas if at all possible). Not bad considering it took the pom 6 weeks to find his first Kangaroo.

Anyway, the first stop in Rawtenstall, was a much needed a haircut for Andy.  So we called into the first hairdressers along the way and can I tell you, it was like stepping back into the 80s?  The pictures on the walls were all of 80s style, flock of seagulls haircuts and they still offered perms as part of their services to womanhood.  WTF? Who perms their hair anymore (other than the blue rinse brigade)?  There were a couple of old dears under the hair driers with curlers in their hair there when we walked in.  Yep it was one of those hair dressers.  But Andy still really needed a haircut. I think the last time it was cut was when I attacked him with the clippers while he was staying over in Oz.

Haircut now completed, and a much more handsome (rugged & manly) Andy in tow, we were off to explore a little more on the way to the local Tesco supermarket.  There was the train station that looked like it could have been part of Hogwarts station, yes complete with fully working steam trains  (See a later post for that planned adventure).  A little pub, fabulous little terraced houses along the way complete with union jacks and bunting sprawled all over them (How did they know I was coming?).  It is just a beautiful little town, it still has cobbled stone roads in places and the town could easily have been in any Jane Austen novel (It really is that old).

Hogwarts Station?

I was still full of energy when we hit Tesco’s.  OMG more new to me offerings.  I have never experienced anything like their Tesco’s before.  It was HUGE!!! And this was only one of the smaller Tesco branches.  There was so much to look at inside there and so many things to explore of both a food and non food nature.  No wonder they are Britain’s largest retailer taking over £1 of every £7 spent in the UK at any one given time. And probably just like all the other punters there, we needed some food stuffs for the house along with some knicky-knacky type trinkets to take back home for Madi.

And then it hit me....

At the time, we were looking for gluten free crackers and the dreaded jet lag snuck up behind me and smacked me square in the head.  All of a sudden everything in my body began to ache and I could barely even walk.  I lost all co-ordination again and I just needed to go home.  Instantly I lost my sense of humour and I started to shiver.  It was cold but not THAT cold.  We had no choice but to finish up shopping and catch a cab back home because now it was pouring down with rain too.

Click here for the album from our first day out in Rawtenstall

I basically crawled into bed the minute we got home and Andy snuggled (I said snuggled!!) with me to help keep me warm while I fell asleep.  It wasn’t until 3 hours later when I woke to the sound of Andy cleaning the kitchen.  He had been cooking for the week ahead while I was sleeping.  I still had no co-ordination and this English twilight thing was further screwing with my head as well.  It was 9pm at night and still bright daylight outside WTF?  I felt like I should have been up and about doing things outside.

I stayed up for a couple more hours while we planned our next important outing together, a trip to Whalley Range in Manchester and the impending medical for Andy’s Visa application.  Tomorrow was going to be another grand adventure in the UK for me. Provided I could master the vagaries of this dreaded curse that is jet lag.

On My Way

29 hours of pure character building moments....

The lead up to the flight was probably some of the worst anxiety I have had in years.  I would rather sit through another 7 demoralising performance rating reviews than do this again.  I did however get all the packing done, collected all the documents I needed and pick you the money I needed to take away completed the day before.  Essentially I just had to get through the working day.

With the working day now behind me, it was just the final packing (10th time) to do and to catch up with Madi for a cuddle and a good bye and a reassurance I was coming back NOT MARRIED.  She was very adamant that she has to be at this wedding and said “don’t even think about doing the 2 wedding thing to try and trick me”.  Would I do that?  She arrived at my place with her dad for some dinner after her school disco.  All dressed up and looking much older than the 12 years old she is.  I am stunned every time I see her of late. She is just growing up so fast.

Anyway with goodbyes out of the way, I caught up briefly with Andy on Skype before I had to leave for my flight.  It was hard to believe in about 40 hours I would be in his arms again.  5 months is such a long time to be parted from someone you love.  It has been far too long.

I had to be at the airport at 12.30am, but at the airport parking station at midnight to catch the shuttle bus over to the airport.  Timing seemed to be everything.  I was 5 minutes late due to the fact the GPS doesn’t register the new motorways in and around the airport.  I left in time to have 20 minutes to spare.

Bugger... my stress levels just ramped up a little higher.

I got to the airport with plenty of time up my sleeve and managed to catch up with Jelena, the girl from work who was flying out on the same flight to Dubai.  I hung out with her and her family until we boarded the plane.  Her kids were a great distraction.  A Serbian family, so full of life and eah one an absolute character.  They soon had me laughing and a lot more relaxed even though we were seated apart on the plane, different sections.  I had the luck of having an aisle seat at the front of the section with plenty of leg room (but no arse room) and the added bonus of being sat next to a young Birmingham couple and their 9month old baby. 

What could possibly go wrong?

The plane started to take off and this little man trapped in a baby’s body started to scream.  That finally stopped 7.5 hours later when we landed in Singapore!!! His parents didn’t understand that if they had fed him on takeoff and landing that his little pressurised ears would equalise much faster.  SO for the first leg of my flight there was no sleep.  And keeping in mind I hadn’t slept since 5.30am the day before, I was now 28 hours without sleep.

At Singapore airport, I thought, yay, I have time to go stretch my legs, but no, they told us we only had 20 mins to be back at the gate for boarding.  Essentially I only had time to go to the bathroom; the queue was 10 minutes long, then shuffle back to go through the whole boarding/screening process again.  Passports and boarding passes to be presented once again and then back on board.

When I got back to my seat I noticed a lot of the people from the first sector had somehow managed to get their seats changed and moved sections and everyone in my sector apart from the newlyweds, the young Birmingham couple and I were the only familiar faces.  The other passengers used their 20 mins at the airport to change their seats to move away from the screaming baby!!!!

BASTARDS!!! Why didn’t I think of that!!!!

When seated, I asked the young couple next to me if they were open to the idea of bottle feeding bub on takeoff to help his ears.  No one had told them about this. So they tried this and we had a happy baby for about an hour.  That was bliss until bubs teeth started hurting.  Yep added bonus, bub was teething. The next 5.5 hours, I tried to drown him out with headphones plugged my head.

I WAS NOT SUCCESSFUL

Before we landed, I had to ask the question to the young Birmingham couple “where are you headed to now”, “we are off back to Birmingham” they chirped.  I forgot being a parent you learn to tune out to the sound of your own children and can sleep quite soundly.  My heart sunk.  Not knowing that Birmingham had its own airport I thought they may have been on my next flight as well.  The GOD’s hate me.  “Yes our flight doesn’t leave for another 4 hours”  “oh, you aren’t flying to Manchester then?” I asked, “oh no, Birmingham has its own airport”.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I am saved!!!!

Dubai airport, was now the happiest place on earth for me.  It could have been a total dive and I wouldn’t have noticed.  I was 9 hours away from Andy, I was in pain, my back hadn’t liked the flights so far and I hadn’t slept in like 39 hours now.  Even so, I only had enough time to walk from where my flight landed the 10 miles (LETS FACE IT, IT FELT LIKE IT) to my new departure gate that was already open for boarding by the time I finally got there.  I never even made a loo break!!! AGAIN!!! Oh btw Dubai airport, is just amazing!!! I thought it may have been an assault on the senses but there was just an information overload with all the wonderful bright and shiny’s to be seen everywhere, unfortunately I just didn’t have time to stop and play. 

The final leg now and I am closer to holding my Andy.  Well that would be the case if some bugger hadn’t decided to board the plane and THEN have a medical emergency.  Seriously, if you are that ill, what are you doing flying? We were delayed by an hour.  I have another aisle seat and this time I am sat next to the 2 funniest guys I have met in a while.  It’s quite interesting when a 20 something guy returning from Mumbai with his cousin hits on you and says he knows every page in the Karma Sutra because his people invented it.  Seems this was going to be an interesting flight.

Thankfully though, he was asleep before takeoff.  I thought the Kama Sutra required more stamina to be honest and I had taken 2 pain killers hoping they would kick in soon.  I mean, I have no idea how I had made it through this long and still maintained a sense of humour.  I put on a movie hoping to get bored and fall asleep. 3 movies later this still hadn’t happened and by now, young Romeo started getting personal with his questions again.  My age was the first one.  So I politely said “look, how about you guess, I have had no sleep since I left Australia, so be careful with your answer”.  I got the standard safe answer, “you look 35”... nice try Romeo.  In the interest of polite conversation, and not wanting to be removed from the flight by security, I mentioned how I was flying in to spend time with my fiancé and his family for a couple of weeks.  Then I asked “what is the one thing I should do while in Manchester?” his answer... and I should have seen this coming... “ME” with a big grin on his face. Sighs.

Manchester, finally!!!! I will see Andy very soon.  Oh crap, I look like hell; I need to brush my teeth. ARGH!!! Oh god, I have to get through customs.  I have been warned by a number of friends that the UK customs are not so friendly and are on the lookout for people who may want to go “missing” while on holidays.  SO I watched all the Indian’s, Arab’s and Chinese get grilled and finger-printed on the way in.  I walked up, said “hi” and got a friendly smile and “welcome to Manchester”, and was let through without further ado, finger-printing or grilling. Way to go Manchester customs.  You guys rock.

Ok, I am now at 48 hours without sleep and I didn’t realise how bloody heavy my bag was.  I struggled to get it off the carousel and then struggled to drag it through the arrivals gate.  But I kept walking until I finally saw Andy. Then I just dropped everything and kissed him and held him.

I was home and it was his time to break his back with my (10 times remember) overpacking.

Don't Panic!!!

Ok, wow, I am really going to the UK.  Up until now it all just seemed a little like a dream.  I have been so focussed on work and Madi lately.  I have been packed for 2 weeks now.  Repacked 3 times, ok, 4 times, but I am ready to go.  I am trying hard not to make extra work for myself by wanting things I really don’t need before I go.  You know the things like, ooo I need a pedicure, I really just need to repaint my toe nails, ooo I need new bras, sighs and I can’t find any I like.  I just need to chill out.

I need to focus on me right now and get through the day without having a panic attack.  I didn’t realise how bad the nerves would be.  I am travelling to see the love of my life, but I am just as nervous as I was when I was meeting him in person for the very first time.  It has been nearly 5 months since we have seen each other in person and I am returning to the place where I last said goodbye to him:  The same place that I lost all my composure and cried my eyes out, as he left through the departure gate.  I still feel the emotions I felt then as real as if I were back in that time now.  *sniffs*

I just need to get through today.

Stress remedy was taken this morning.  I have been up since 5.30am (21 hours until the flight leaves).  Why 5.30am you ask? Well the aim was to get into work early, so I could leave early and do any last minute things I needed to do.  Then there was the traffic to take into account. Do you know there was a car accident right in front of me this morning and in peak hour traffic? Do you think any bugger will let you in?? I got to work at 9am!!!

More stress remedy taken when I got to work.  Team meeting at 9.30am (17 hours until flight leaves), my head is just not here today. Jep codes blah blah.  People on leave blah blah.  I volunteered for a new added task, and was immediately overlooked.  Must keep this tactic in mind for the future, if I don’t want to do something I will volunteer first for it.  Good plan.

There’s still So much to do.  I feel like I am running out of time, but in reality I still have 10 hours after I finish work before my flight leaves.  1 hour travel time to the airport.  2 hours at the airport.  1 hour to finalise packing?  1 hour to shower and get ready.  Ok in reality I have 5 hours in which to play with, and I want to go see Madi before I go as well.  I wonder if her father will bring her over instead of me having to go over there?  I need to make that phone call.  Ok ex hubby just scored a few brownie points.  He is bringing Madi over after her school disco for a cuddle and a goodbye.

Oh and mum arrives in Brisbane this afternoon but we can’t seem to manage to meet up.  Just as well, she has a cold and I don’t need that.  Damn she is going to freeze down here atm.  Mum lives further north where it is warmer.  She is not going to like this cold weather at all.

Anyways I had better go get some work done.  They have loaded up my work queue expecting me to be productive today. HA HA HA HA.  I will do my best.

Written By Jodie (as indeed all red text will be. It's her journey now).

Countdown to England

OMG, she’s really coming!!

OMG! OMG!! OMG!!! Just look at the state of the old bachelor pad... Maybe it’s time for a little well overdue spring cleaning around here.

So without any further consideration for the last 12 months worth of creepy crawlies the whole place receives a complete redecoration with the ubiquitous 2 coats of emulsion, glosses, and wallpapers to what I consider to be feature walls.

And having finally brightened up the place, it was time to get the old vacuum cleaner out which is really no better than a glorified suction pump and a pillow case for collecting the crap in. Turn it on and oh joy, it blows more dust around than it is capable of picking up... Eeeek

All curtains are washed, ironed and re-hung while still wet and the crusty old bedding was washed, rewashed, rewashed again, thrown out in despair and subsequently replaced.

This day also brought forth the joy of cleaning glass (Somebody shoot me). It seemed like a good idea at the time to have mirrored walls and ceilings but god what a struggle it has been getting rid of all the streaks!! And then there were all the windows and glass doors to polish off too.

And while still in the mood for washing, there was a 12 month old pile of used dinner pots to be tackled that had accumulated around the sink rendering the kitchen less than half of its natural size. Why did nobody tell me that plates don’t spin dry?

Today I got all manly and with the aid of assorted power tools, industrial abrasives and shot blasting equipment, it was finally time to tackle the internal cleaning of all the kitchen appliances. There was mould the size of trees growing in the grill pan and as for the microwave.... well let’s just say it is now capable of holding a whole chicken rather than just half a tin of soup.

Kitchen units were tackled too, being savagely stripped from their room and taken down to the local car wash for a full hot wax wash, rinse and curly perm. Fortunately they didn’t shrink and slotted back into place nicely.

This day I are mostly be working in the bathroom...

This included the much awaited finishing off of the installation of a less than satisfactory but cheap shower unit over the bath, drilling through the gas main while trying to run the electrics, fixing the gas main (because nobody likes a gas shower since Hitler had a go with them), finally sorting the electrics, finishing off the last remaining tile around said electrics and having a much welcomed wee.

And who’s stupid idea was an all white fully tiled bathroom I ask? It seems that every single speck of dust, streak and stray pubic hair just screams out for the attention of innocent passers by. Maybe net curtains would be a good idea too then.

Ok, in view of there being the remotest possibility of semi-naked bodies swanning around the place, net curtains probably are a good idea. And with that in mind, both the bedroom and bathroom windows were treated with said. For the rest of that night, a constant stream of random neighbours knocked on and were heard thanking me for my services to humankind in removing this unfortunate blotting of their landscapes.

Next, all solid floors were to be mopped so hard that their surfaces were rapidly fading and carpets were taken outside to be stoned to death by radical Christians in effort to rejuvenate them.

And with the place finally all clean and tidy, spick and span, ship shape and Bristol fashion, windows were opened to help relieve the place from the past year’s stale air, farts and miscellaneous body odours only to be greeted and replaced with an onslaught of barbeque fumes from the street partying jubilee celebrants gathered outside. Grrr

In a final bid to prove to the world that I actually am a fine upstanding citizen of clean and wholesome traits, I decided this day to have a bath. The rest of the night was therefore taken up in relieving said bath of the remnant, what can best be described as porridge, without having to call up the services of Dynorod drain doctors, Rentokil pest control and clerics of all denominations coming round to exorcise the bathroom.

And with the aid of industrial strength weed killers, teeth were polished to a finish comparable only to that of Liberace’s finest candelabras. Hair was raked into submission, mown to a more manageable length and rolled into place while all the edges were finished off with the aid of a 2 stroke engined garden strimmer.

Why when you get older does hair sprout from every orifice of your body (yes body)? Armed with a shave hook and blowlamp, bolt cutters and a pair of long nosed pliers this is how the last day of the countdown ends in old blighty. 


What more could a girl truly wish for?

Welcome ‘HOME’ Jodie xxx

Oh and one more thing.....